What don’t you like about me?
Why do we ever ask prospective lovers “what don’t you like about me?” Why is unrequited love all too common, and most importantly why do we feel (slightly) inadequate when feelings are not mutual? Recently, I ended things with someone and they asked “what don’t you like about me?”. Now I felt as though the question was rather strange, considering I was the farthest thing from serious with said person. In fact we’d only hung out once, so why should he care what I don’t like about him? Now I’m all for the learning aspect of relationships. I think it’s important to grow every day. But this question does not facilitate growth. In my opinion, it facilitates insecurities. To be honest, I was tempted to tell him explicitly what I did not like about him but was cautioned otherwise.
If I would have told him, he more than likely would have gotten defensive or tried to “rationalize” whatever characteristics I named. Either way, the conversation would have (abruptly) turned negative and I, for one, do not have time for arguments via text. Yes, via text. I think text breakups are an appropriate exit venue after the first date. The way I see it, you should be happy I’m even texting you again after a bad first date, because my natural inclination is to just ignore you. Now back to the matter at hand. I’ve never asked “what don’t you like about me?” to an object of my affection, but I can recall wondering it several times in my past. It was back when I assumed there was a problem with me whenever I didn’t click with someone or a relationship didn’t work out. Now, fortunately, I know better. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m smart enough to know that nothing is fundamentally wrong with me just because things did not work out with one person. I am a work in progress and what one person doesn’t like about me the next person may love.
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