Dear Ideal Singles,
Some might describe me as being ambitious. I am a firm believer in setting high goals for myself and following through on them. However, when I translate this quality into the dating world, it tends to be a disaster. Train wreck. Plane falling abruptly out of the sky and leaving no clues, not even the little indestructible black box. Okay, I may be over-exaggerating, but more than once I’ve expected someone to pop out with a video camera and say “you’ve been punk’d!” Several years ago, I made a list of qualities for my “ideal man”. It was mainly as a joke after I saw Something New with Sanaa Lathan back in 2006. Okay, it wasn’t entirely as a joke. Part of me wanted to see what I would write down. Even though I was sure I’d be able to make a list of one hundred things, I stopped around five.
The problem was, my list was asking for nothing short of perfection. I guess since it was supposed to be my “ideal man,” that having a list of perfect qualities was expected, but the fact of the matter is no one will ever have all of those qualities. So it was pointless for me to continue. I was simply going to list “deal breakers” which had led me to end things with people in the past. Even though being my best friend was number one on my list, the qualities I subsequently listed did not focus on anything essential to a happy relationship. While tall guys are nice(tall being 6’1 and above), there’s no valid reason to axe a 5’8 man solely on the basis of height…unless his height has led to the development of an annoying short man complex.
Even though I stopped writing out the list, fortunately or unfortunately, I didn’t stop looking for the qualities. The unattainable qualities. Which when coupled with living in New York City, makes them even harder to find. Don’t get me wrong, I love NYC, there are tons of singles here. But therein lies the tug and pull of the whole situation. There are few who make allowances for missing qualities (for more than a few months). Millions of singles in one city means everyone believes they too will find their ideal mate because he/she has to be out there, right? Besides, no one settles for less than the best in their 20s, that’s what your 30s are for.
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