Where are all the independent men?

Dear Independence,

As I tried (for the umpteenth time) to listen to Beyoncé’s new single Run the World (Girls), I couldn’t help but wonder, where are all the independent men? You see, whenever I listen to her new single and what she’s trying to accomplish with it, I think back to Beyoncé and them’s Independent Women, Pt. I. (Sidenote: I only call the original Destiny’s Child, Destiny’s Child.) It was(still is?) the quintessential women’s empowerment song. On the other hand, this Run the World song’s lyrics say nothing of substance as to why “girls” are running the world…other than implying it’s by seducing men. But enough about that song, I apologize for my mini rant, I just had to get my disappointment with Beyoncé’s new single off my chest.

Getting back to the matter at hand, in today’s culture women pride themselves on being independent. They like to boast about having their own place, car,  being able to buy themselves nice things, not needing a man to be happy, and so forth. On the other hand, men are presumed to be independent…but they aren’t. Just because you like to date several girls at one time does not make you independent. Yes, household chores (i.e., cooking, cleaning, laundry) were traditionally done by women, so I will give men in my generation a pass for that. But what about being able to take care of yourself and stand on your own two feet? You know, being “self-sufficient?” One-third of men aged 22-34 still live at home with their parents…which, unfortunately for women, appears to be a growing trend. Yes I realize the economy is bad, but twice as many men are doing it as women so I don’t want to hear that excuse. I’m not just referring to men who live at home either, I’m referring to men who have no problem being emotionally, financially, and motivationally dependent on others.

Now I know I’m a tad overly ambitious, but I feel as though I rarely meet men who have a comparable level of focus. What happened to the men in my generation’s drive? Is it the result of so much focus on women to be independent? Do men no longer feel the need to have to take care of women and show signs of stability and security, so they have no problem going back home to mom? I hope the answer to my last question isn’t yes, because there are few higher deal breakers on my list than staying at home with your parents. It’s only acceptable to me if you are currently in school, recent graduate, or taking care of your parents.


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  1. Ms Independent

    i think we as women still feel as though we have something to prove compared to men who dont. no one really questions their independence, its more a question of their maturity. if they’re able to stand on their own two feet than we say they’re mature.

  2. Eric

    Speaking as an independent guy, I find that society likes to put too much pressure on finding “the right girl”, getting married, having a family/kids. I’ve dated around before, haven’t found that “right girl” (whatever that means exactly), but honestly I’m not all that concerned about it anymore. If I find someone that can understand my position and still care enough to want to be with me, then great – I’ll take that chance. Otherwise, just getting a girlfriend or wife to have one and stop the nagging/exclusion factors doesn’t seem right to me.

    As for self-sustaining, I find it much more interesting to learn how to do something on your own rather than have to depend on someone else to get it done. Not that I wouldn’t be willing to help someone else out, just that I’m not lazy or unambitious. Clingy-ness, to me is unattractive, and I can respect a bit of independence in a gril – makes things a bit easier. So, here’s to not needing all that relaionship-y over-drama anyway!


  3. Petrov

    “Do men no longer feel the need to have to take care of women and show signs of stability and security, so they have no problem going back home to mom?”


    Feminism liberated not only women but men from traditional roles. The tough economy is also not helping.

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