No spark=no love?

Dear (unnamed)

I really have to stop having these long breaks from you! I promise, that that one will be the last. So what have I been up to? Hmm, it’s always interesting to look back and reflect on the moments in life that have stuck out over the past month. I thought that I had found a way to fall for someone whom I thought I’d never fall for. (Did that just make sense?…I hope it did, if not, I don’t know what to tell you.) But alas, I never fell for him. It got to a point where I felt like I was tormenting myself because here was this nice guy, but I knew I’d never “love” him. I kept hoping and wishing, and I thought that if I played a certain role, then eventually I’d feel a strong connection to him. But it never came.

It’s kind of funny how the whole love thing works. As a child, I only believed in love at first sight. Now that I’m older, I think it still dominates my views on love. Yes, you don’t have to be head over heels about someone the moment you see them, but you feel that spark. Maybe I got tricked by too many Disney movies growing up, or maybe it’s the fact that my father always said he knew he was going to marry my mother from the moment he first saw her. I was very VERY skeptical when he first told me that, but when I heard the story of how they first met, it all kind of fit (maybe I will get into nice love stories in my next post!)… Now he never said it was love at first sight, but he said there was something different about her. Ever since then, I always wondered if there was something different about me that would set off sparks for a guy.

The guy who I never fell for felt a spark for me…but I never felt one for him. So I guess it has to go both ways…well for me at least. There may be some people out there who are perfectly content with someone falling in love with them while they feel nothing in return. Sometimes you do just want to feel loved. But it made me feel awful. Don’t get me wrong, I was not completely miserable when I was with him. I just felt like I was stringing him along and I realized exiting the situation sooner rather than later would leave both parties in a better position. Now I know that I need that spark, there’s no other way for me.


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