Does the spark have to die down?

Dear Couples,

“I wanna keep it how it is, so you can never say how it used to be.” –Beyoncé “Dance 4 You” For those of us who’ve been fortunate enough to experience love/lust at first sight, don’t we always want to maintain that same level of chemistry and passion with the object of our affection? Yes, it can be a little unrealistic to expect things to always go as smoothly as they do during those first few weeks (and months?) but does the spark have to die down? Even if sparks didn’t fly initially between you and the object of your affection, I’m sure you can remember the point in time in your relationship when things just started clicking. When you smiled every time you said their name or heard their voice. I must admit, I’m confused as to whether I should have written that last sentence in past or present tense. Since I wrote it in past tense, I guess I’m already assuming that the spark has to die down…

I recently started seeing someone and it was “like” at first sight, actually it was more “really like” at first sight. I won’t use the love word because I’ve never been one to quickly use that word. Normally I am a bit skeptical of people who claim they fell in love at first sight because more often than not I think it’s just lust. But with this guy, it’s more than lust. He stimulates me mentally and physically.  Our conversation takes me to another level. Now, I had great conversation with the one I never fell for but with the new guy there’s this insane chemistry between us. Unfortunately, I cannot help but wonder how long our chemistry will last. I’m not wondering how long I’ll be seeing him. I’m wondering how long will we never run out of things to say to each other, how long will it seem like we’re the only two people in a crowded room and how long will his touch continue to make me shiver?

Some people say you should just enjoy it while it lasts because once it’s gone you can get stuck in a constant attempt to bring it back. Is this really the best approach? Does the spark necessarily have to fade away? I know people in long-term relationships who are perfectly happy but they do miss the spark and/or “the way things used to be.” I think I’m leaning toward Beyoncé’s goal of keeping things how they are so if we continue seeing each other, neither one of us will long for the days of the past.


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1 Comment

  1. I definitely feel where you’re going with this. But, I do think… to a certain extent, it is impossible to “keep things how they are.” It’s a nice intention, really an admirable intention… but I don’t think it’s a realistic one. Things change, and people evolve. And I think one of the biggest things in all relationships: friendships, familial, and romantic; is to continue to grow WITH one another. So yeah, I’d say keep the attention to your partner/love interest as it IS, but don’t get so stuck in that past excitement that you miss the potential beauty in how things ARE as you both continue to move forward in your lives.

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