Why do women always claim they’re in love when they’re sad over a break-up?

Dear Love Experts,

Maybe I missed the memo when I first started dating during my teenage years that I was supposed to say I was in love with former boyfriends because we broke up. It seems as though 99.9% of women have developed and annoyingly perfected this trait. Leaving me wondering if I’m missing out on the ability to fall head over heels with every guy I go out with or if these women are living in some sort of fantasy world. I’m not saying I’ve never been sad over a break-up, that’s completely natural. But it doesn’t mean I was “in love” with any of them.

These days it seems as though people just throw around the L word to throw it around—stripping it of it’s meaning. There is a difference between lust, loving someone and being in love with someone. As Sanaa Lathan said in Brown Sugar, it’s like the difference between rap and hip-hop—rap is just a word. Being in love is a state. And you do not enter the state because you caught Derek cheating on you. You’re just upset over the break-up and that Derek wasn’t all you thought he would be. You may be heartbroken, but trying to rationalize your sporadic emotions by claiming you were in love with him makes you sound like a fool.

Especially because when you meet someone new you’re going to talk about how you thought you were in love with Derek but John is all you’ve ever really wanted in a man. It’s 2012, and if you’re over the age of 22 (I’ll give you time for ridiculousness in college), there’s no reason you should be running around claiming to be in love with Tom, Dick, and Harry—especially after they dump you. At least try to make yourself and your ability to fall in love seem somewhat special. Otherwise, you’re just making “in love” another word (technically phrase, but you get my drift). Thoughts?


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This work by bellereveur.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.



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  2. Couldn’t agree with this more. I think another issue is that people commonly confuse obsession or fixation with love. I know for me, when I am rejected or perceive something as rejection, I tend to get a little fixated on the other person and the situation. Thinking, “if only I did xyz, he wouldn’t have left me.” I used to do this even when I wasn’t that into the other person. Nothing attracts me like rejection. Sigh. I am plainly aware of how fucked up I am, though. I think most people who are fucked up in similar ways as me have zero awareness of it.

  3. I recover after a few days…. maybe a few weeks…… no, a few days. Well, that ‘s what happened to me after the guy i liked FOR 3 YEARS hooked with my close friend… SHE BETRAYED ME ! lol The incident me just turned me off. And my emotions turned on the betrayal, not the hooking -up thingy.

  4. ” Hooked up “

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